The appearance of normal can hide many things beneath the secret lives of family dynamics. While the term “buried alive” often refers to a physical death, there’s many kinds of dead; and many ways to die. And it seems all the technical terms for abuse rarely include the harmful aspects of neglect, neglect being more elusive and much harder to identify.
So, looking back over the past, what ever happened to the little girl who said “I’ll never stop loving you mother?” What happened to the young boy who stood against injustice from his own family and said: “I don’t care what they say, you’re my mother and I have a right to love you?” What happened to my son, taken, whom I never got the chance to say goodbye? What happened to my son who boldly stood-up for a child abused by bullies? All the years lost and stolen, all the good deeds maligned and buried. But was there a funeral? What happened to my parents saying “to death do us part?” And the innocent trust of believing that my parents would always love and support me, before the unimaginable betrayal? And what of my country’s creed, “In God We Trust.” Are there not aspects of the walking dead; some loving in the glory of the past, other imprisoned by it, and few who escape it?
The pivotal key-factor around the circumstances that either stabilises or topples a person into isolation or grave conditions are often dependant on the degree of support and courage they have around them. And since abuse is rarely identified, by neglect or apathy, I would like to paint a picture of that which is behind closed doors and closed hearts. For people often think that hate is the opposite of love when, really, it is apathy. Even the word of Christ (“who went about doing good”) painted pertinent images of the living dead; with words like: “let the dead bury the dead! “But I tell you (He said) that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart." So if one can be unfaithful and “betray from the heart” then certainly their hate can manifest itself in unseen dimensions against another.
Having seen the effect of apathy wrapping its’ hateful grip around such victims, I am still amazed at the callous, silent, retreat in which the perpetrators justifies or disowns any responsibility. The consequences of guilt tosses blame with the proverbial ‘Escape Goat’ seem rather the norm, in cases of malicious control or the easily deceived. Perhaps there’s even a spirit of Misunderstanding which creeps into homes and divides, causing loved ones to see only a blurred image of what has really taken place; or who’s really mastering the puppet strings. Then there is “second-hand offenses,” promoted by hearsay or incriminating gossip.
Consequently, the relevant dynamics of most families are hardly ever seen. And Biblically speaking, “A man's enemies will be the members of his own household (Matthew 10:36)." So it stands to reason that in the book of Micah 7:5 it says: “Do not trust a neighbor; put no confidence in a friend. Even with her who lies in your embrace be careful of your words.” When thus considering that the power of life and death is in the tongue (combined with the evil thoughts of the heart), it’s easier to comprehend that many could be buried alive; and just never want to speak of it. It’s the peeling back of all the layers of deception which is really difficult! And the saddest thing about dysfunctional relations is that “all too many find it easier to believe the worst” rather than to pursue the truth. Not just a truth, but I mean the whole truth. Though some lies are more convenient to digest while securing one’s elusive comfort zone. Others are simply propagated by a person’s own projection or fear, of being caught out; sort of like “do unto them before they do unto me” motto. Do most people actually stop and think of the consequences of their actions? No. And few see anything wrong with accepting rumors of offense against another which could ultimately harm, alienate, or kill another. Though people don’t usually kill themselves over a lie but a series of defaming events! It is the proverbial “straw that the breaks the camel’s back” in reference to what pushes one to the Edge of Death’s Door. The thing about rumours is that no-one really knows where a person’s head is at "after the boomerang effect of gossip" comes around. How could any one know just how close a person could be “near the end of their rope” on the edge of despair?
They say that addicts are good at cutting off people who are not acceptable or approving in their lives or lifestyle. But they are not the only ones who have cornered this market. Untold families sabotage relationships all the time! Whether that is due to second-hand offenses, envy and comparisons, or "just the fact that they are set-up by another" who is a master puppeteer! At any rate, it’s difficult to describe all the ways that people can and do cut-off another person from their lives. And yet it happens all too often. Generations pass this dysfunctional pattern down the line, most commonly portrayed among famed royals. This is a monumental epidemic condition with untold consequences of such abuse. It is this mountain of my past which I have laid squarely at the feet of the Master, the King of Kings, and living Lamb of God. My only hope is: “He will turn the hearts of the fathers to their children, and the hearts of the children to their fathers; or else I will come and strike the land with a curse (Malachi 4:6). “And he will go on before the Lord, in the spirit and power of Elijah, to turn the hearts of the fathers to their children and the disobedient to the wisdom of the righteous--to make ready a people prepared for the Lord (Luke 1:17.”
The fact that history repeats its-self is most evident. So maybe the question should be asked: “why don’t we learn from the past?” One answer might be from the continual fragmentation (the burying or cutting-off) of relationships within the family dynamics. Nevertheless, I hope the following story will help conveys what I’m referring to.
A long time ago, around 2635 BC in the land of Haran, Padan-Aram, Urfa, of Turkey, lived my ancestor as a youth. History and the Bible have clear records of this story. How that Joseph (Yosef) Ben Jacob, son of Jacob Ben Yitzak (later called Ben ISRAEL), boasted to his eleven half-brothers about his dream ‘that they would bow down to him.’ Perhaps Joseph didn’t fully comprehend the family dynamics; how his father had favoured his mom over Joseph’s siblings and their mother. Yet history’s facts remain, and this same Joseph was ultimately sold into Egypt’s slavery. Only many years later did he defy the odds to become what many believe to be “Zaphenath-paneah Imhotep.” The shame of imprisonment, the isolation from home and family, all of that and more; despite the rejection and betrayal of family loved ones, Joseph did manage rise above it all. Was it his destiny, as his dream portrayed? Perhaps, and yet this detour did in-fact bring about a greater good for the whole. For all that Joseph endured qualified him for an even greater task of feeding all of Egypt and the surrounding lands; which ultimately contributed to the care and safety of his estranged family.
Do all things really work out for good, even the evil things? I believe so, with trust in the Mighty Hand divine. Are there ones who have the courage to weather the storm, against the odds, and the fortitude to rise to the top? Genghis Khan did; and many others who have had a great impact on their families and world! I pray that this is also the case with you, and yours; that the “God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob” will cause you to look up and beyond your circumstances, into the heart of all that God has for you. “Dreams (as my ancestor the Dreamer probably once said) really can come true.” And so it was that after his dream-prophecy was manifested, Joseph said to his brothers: “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives (Genesis 50: 20). The Lord gave…and the Lord has allowed to be taken away. Still, BLESSED BE THE NAME OF THE LORD GOD ALMIGHTY, now and forevermore!
~Milly Hunter
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